Day 31, the Whole30 Completed!

Yes, I recognize that I have 4 more days of no dairy to be whole30 compliant for 30 days. But I made it 30 days eating no grains, no sugars, no legumes, no alcohol and 26 days with no dairy. The shortcomings were sugars of some sort in foods I ate, such as the very little bacon I had that had cane sugar (didn't even think to look for sugar there!), the few drops of sirracha I had one night that had a bit of sugar and the beef broth with the honey in it. But really people, that is trace amounts compared to the diet sodas I had multiples of a day, the candy, the peanut M&Ms, the Reese's pieces and peanut butter cups, the ice creams, not to mention the chips, crackers, and processed crap that was ruling my life! I ate more fruit than recommended and on occasion more nuts. The next time I embark on the Whole30 I will be even more compliant, but the leap from S.tandard A.merican D.iet that I was living and suffering with to this was a Grand Canyon.

So how do I feel? Did the Whole30 indeed change my life?

I feel great! I've had more energy and motivation in the last 4 weeks than I ever have before!

I dropped 11 pounds in 30 days without counting a calorie or point or worrying about eating fat. I even have saved bacon grease to use on veggies now! I cook with coconut oil and use coconut milk which are loaded in fats. I eat the skin off of chicken (a low fat NONO!), I love steak, spinach salad with oil and vinegar, and have discovered a sweet treat that is amazing in the fact that it is no processed sugar, the blueberry and coconut milk frozen treat! I had Osso Bucco for dinner and guess what, sweet potatoes taste wonderful sans butter! I have enjoyed cooking meals more than I ever have and have made a few things that really rock! But these are all lessons and changes based around food and every day living and that is just the surface of the change.

I have used food to cope with the discomforts of life for a long time. Food, sugars especially, were my way of comforting and punishing myself. I was happy with a big bowl of ice cream or mac and cheese, but miserable with the effects on my body and therefore my life. They comforted me, then made me uncomfortable, a vicious cycle. I couldn't take stairs with ease or walk too fast. I felt older than my years, sad and disconnected. I was becoming a living dead person, unable to do the things I wanted to do, I couldn't dance but for a few minutes at a club. I couldn't connect to my emotions to understand and be the person I want to be. I was stressed, depressed, and fighting the feeling that I was becoming a typical American, fat and sick. My gluttony was a reaction to the world and was also separating me from the world.

Taking off the last layer of coping allowed me to reconnect to myself, the world and my emotions. I am calm. I have goals that I know I can meet with effort and enjoyment. I danced for 3 hours straight and realized this is what life and the world are about, enjoying the vehicle that carries you through this life.

I have uncovered that I was allowing myself to become bored in exchange for security, that I was willing to live other people's dreams for me in exchange for comfort.

I learned that I could be emotionally mature. That I could sit with bad feelings and observe them, turn them over, look at them, without exploding or dumping them on someone before I understood their complexity, their roots.

I learned that the discomfort I felt with the world wasn't so intense that it could not be coped with without food.

I learned that I could let go of that pain of the injustices of life and live a great life without fear.

I learned that I can hope and if I am disappointed, I can live with that too.

I dream of living a life full of imagination and creativity. I am not going to wait for that day, I'm going to seek it. I've already started and it created anxiety, but it passed soon into pleasure at taking a risk that I could not calculate without taking.

I dream of being a runner, not necessarily a marathoner, just someone that can get up and run a few miles for the enjoyment of the breeze, the burn in my legs, the gorgeous trees, the joy of moving. I am on week 3 of 9 of training to run my first 5k.

I dream and I do. I don't wish anymore. I do. I am awake. I am connected. I am changed.

Day 16 of Whole 30 (34!)

Ok, so I just had one of the best treats of my life. And I am totally shocked! Frozen berries with coconut milk and put in the freezer like paleo ice cream!. I think I savored it for over 20 minutes. I was never able to do that with real ice cream. My food is not just disappearing anymore. I am slowing my eating and beginning to really enjoy it. This is HUGE people. I have put on 80 lbs by shoveling my food in. To be honest, after two weeks of this, I do think my life is changing. I don't miss grains. I don't miss sugar as badly as I thought I would. I do miss wine and I do want to have some dairy again. But if I can enjoy fruit with coconut milk like it is sweet nectar of the gods, well, my life is changing. If I can even fathom not eating grains or sugar on a regular basis, my life is changing. If my days are not filled with what the next thing I want to eat is, my life is changing. 30 days to change your life. I want a major life change so bad I can taste the fatty steak I am free to enjoy by eating primal/paleo!

DAY 14 of the Whole30! and Day 1 of Couch25k!

I have made it 2 weeks on the Whole 30. I am feeling rather good. I have low days where I have to actually DEAL with my emotions instead of cover them with sugar and cookies and crackers.

I have been covering and coping with my discomfort with the world and never understood the real difference until I stopped, cold turkey. Week 2 after quitting smoking I began to realize I had been holding my breath and that it was making me tense, the very tension that I smoked to relieve. Once I started breathing deeply to cope with the addiction and cravings, I was no longer tense. I am realizing a similar thing now that I am not eating sugar and grains. I have been eating until I was uncomfortable when I AM uncomfortable with the world. It is both comfort and punishment. I comfort myself with foods that turn on the good chemicals in my brain, while making my discomfort a reality, something I can feel as my stomach hurts and I feel sick from eating too much.

This is jut one realization on the journey. This is the beginnings of emotional maturity. I haven't always voiced how I feel, but i was terrorizing my own self, my spirit was being damaged by some of the choices I was making, not to mention my body. The thing that got me to do the whole 30 was the promise it would change my life. I am so thankful that it was a true promise. I hope to continue on this path and see all the changes I can from rebelling against my old way of surviving and begin to truly live.